Unfortunately, many military veterans find themselves struggling in the civilian world once they separate, but this is most often due to a lack of preparation — a problem that is entirely preventable. The military will give you a basic set of tools and some minimal training prior to separation, but these things alone won't set you up for success. To ensure a smooth transition, you'll need to do some extra work on your own.
In this guide, we'll lay out a pre-separation timeline and suggest a to-do list to make it easier to hit the ground running. We'll also address some differences between military life and civilian life that other guides don't generally cover.
Things to Do 1 to 2 Years Before Separation
Many military personnel don't seriously think about whether to reenlist until a few months before their current contract expires. To be frank, this is way too late to start contemplating. You'll want to start thinking carefully about this question at least 18 months (if not 2 years) before your contract is up. That may sound like an excessive amount of time, but if you end up deciding not to reenlist, you'll need more than a few months to prepare for civilian life.
Find a Mentor
Sadly, the idea of actively seeking out a mentor is one that's often scoffed at in the military. Military culture (perhaps intending to encourage independence) frequently cultivates the idea that you should never ask for help; you're supposed to be able to do everything yourself.
The harsh reality is that, if you've not yet lived as an independent adult in the civilian world, you do need help. In many respects, civilian life is much harder and more complicated than military life. Recognizing that you can benefit from extra guidance is a sign of wisdom, not weakness.
Once you've firmly decided to exit the military, the first thing you should do is seek out someone who's lived a healthy, successful life on the outside for some time and ask them to help you. This doesn't need to be a rigidly formalized relationship; look for someone who's willing to talk with you on the phone once a week or so about looking for work, using health insurance or whatever else is on your mind. Veterans sometimes think they can learn about and navigate the civilian world with sheer stubbornness, but it doesn't work that way. Never be afraid to ask for help in areas where your knowledge is patchy or outdated.
Decide Where to Live
For some veterans, this is a straightforward decision: they're going to head back to their home of record, the only home they've ever known. Just make sure that if you do return to your old home, you make that decision actively and with good reasons; don't merely default to that decision.
Should you want to move to a new place, consider the costs of housing and other necessities in that area, as well as the availability of jobs in the field you want to work in. If you intend to start your own business, carefully research the market in that industry and start writing a business plan.
If you've never organized and paid for your own long-distance move before, you may underestimate how expensive, stressful and logistically complicated it can be. You'll get one last free move from the military when you separate, so use it wisely.
Prepare for the Job Hunt
It may seem odd to talk about finding a job 1 to 2 years before you leave the military, but that's not actually what this section is about. By “prepare for the job hunt,” we mean to emphasize the importance of job-hunting skills in general, skills about which there is a lot of misinformation.
Long gone are the days of landing a job with a few résumés and a few phone calls. These days, in most industries, it's not at all uncommon for applicants to apply for hundreds of jobs without ever receiving a response, much less an offer. In short, the job-hunting model that worked in the 80s and 90s is no longer effective, but it's still around. By and large, employers haven't figured out a better way to do things, so it's on you, the job seeker, to find a better way.
Crash.co is an excellent resource for job hunters. Although it's targeted primarily at teens and 20-somethings, the advice they offer there is useful for anyone new to the civilian job market.
Other Tasks
- If you used Tuition Assistance while on active duty, ensure that you're on track to graduate before you separate; if you don't, you may have to pay all of that money back
- Start saving as much money as possible in case of a tight job market or unforeseen expenses (the former is likely, the latter is a certainty)
- Decide whether you want to try a new career or look for a civilian job similar to your military job
Things to Do 6 to 12 Months Before Separation
Once the countdown clock reaches one year, you've hopefully found a mentor, chosen the state or city you'll move to and spent some time studying unconventional job-hunting skills well-suited to your field. The next few tasks are a bit more time-consuming, so be sure to allow at least six months to get them done.
Get Your Finances Squared Away
According to a National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC) survey, 54% of military personnel and veterans say they are “just barely getting by” financially, and a whopping 88% say they frequently worry about money. These high numbers can be partly explained by a relative lack of sound financial advice on offer, even within the personal finance industry.
Even if you have no savings and worry about your budgeting skills, 6 to 12 months is enough time to financially prepare for civilian life (as long as you use effective, evidence-based budgeting tools). Most budgeting apps and personal finance systems will help you track your spending but aren't very helpful when it comes to actually changing your financial behavior. If you don't already use one, research and choose a zero-sum budgeting system like You Need a Budget (YNAB) or Budgetwise, or create your own zero-sum budget on paper.
Arrange Transition Support for Your Spouse and Children
If you have dependents, they'll need a lot of support to prepare for civilian life, too. Some of these concerns are financial; the same NFCC survey we mentioned earlier found that 88% of married active-duty servicemembers are the sole or primary breadwinner. Unless the civilian field you want to go into pays very well, it's likely that you'll both need to find stable employment quickly, so your spouse could benefit from brushing up on their job-hunting and budgeting skills as well.
The transition from military to civilian life can be especially hard on children. Research school choices well in advance of your move so you have plenty of time to make a well-informed decision. As far as social resources for your family, reach out to the TAP (Transition Assistance Program) and MWR (Morale, Welfare, and Recreation) programs. Every military base has local or regional offices. For more on this topic, be sure to check out our guide to military family planning.
Other Tasks
- Should you want to attend college, now's the time to carefully read the fine print on your GI Bill, choose a school, apply for admission and take placement tests. Read our guide on getting the most out of your GI Bill benefits.
- Research the VA home loan benefit if you intend to buy a house right after separating
- Ensure that your commander knows you intend to separate so they can put in the proper paperwork and get you signed up for mandatory pre-separation TAP courses
Things to Do 3 to 6 Months Before Separation
Now that you're close to your separation date, it's time to start making some more concrete plans.
Take Advantage of Expiring Benefits
Once you leave the military, you may be shocked at how expensive everything is. Be sure to buy yourself some extra financial breathing room by using your active-duty benefits one last time before you separate:
- Visit the dentist for a checkup and any necessary dental work
- See an on-base doctor for a physical, bloodwork and medication refills
- Check in with a financial planner, if needed
- Update your will, power of attorney and other important legal documents for free
- Make an appointment with a psychologist, ideally a cognitive behavioral therapist, even if you don't have any mental health problems; a good therapist can help you prepare mentally and emotionally for civilian life
Figure Out Your VA Benefits
Many veterans are unpleasantly surprised when they first try to use their VA benefits after separating. In most cases, you'll need to enroll or activate a benefit before you can use it, and those processes can take weeks or months. There are also many restrictions on when, where and how you can use various benefits. Visit the VA website 3 to 6 months before separating and make a list of everything you'll need to do to have your benefits ready to go by the time you get home. Also be sure to check out our VA benefits guide for more in-depth information.
Make Backup Plans
Recently-separated veterans often make the mistake of relying mostly or entirely on military resources to help them transition back to civilian life. The military is a large, bureaucratic machine; it moves slowly, administrative mistakes are common and some processes are inefficient. You may encounter challenges such as:
- Your belongings being delayed or lost while moving back home
- Delays or inaccuracies on your final paycheck or reimbursement checks
- Long delays before you can access healthcare or education benefits
- Missing or incorrect paperwork
In short, the military will do what it can to help you, but it's far from perfect. Save as much money as you can and make alternate arrangements ahead of time for housing, healthcare and education, just in case plan A doesn't work out.
Prepare Psychologically for Civilian Life
This is arguably the single most important aspect of preparing for civilian life, and it's one that other transition guides rarely address. Most veterans face one of two scenarios: either they joined the military right after high school and haven't yet lived in the civilian world as an independent adult, or they've been in the military for years — long enough for the outside world to change significantly.
In either case, carrying your military mindset and habits directly into civilian life without modification will cause stress and problems. The biggest causes of system shock in recently separated veterans are the radical shifts in culture, responsibility and the expectations of people around you.
In some respects, military life is hard. You don't get paid much, the food often leaves much to be desired, free time is minimal and the mental and physical demands are high. But in another, major respect, military life is easy: you always know where you're supposed to be and what you're supposed to be doing. You don't have to wake up each day and choose your actions from a nearly infinite set of options. If you need help with a medical, financial or legal problem, there's a building you go to, and there are people in that building to walk you through every step of the process. When you make a mistake, someone else will correct you (often harshly).
In the civilian world, nobody orders you to do anything, and it's up to you to acquire the knowledge and skills necessary to come up with solutions to any conceivable problem. You might lose your job if you disobey your boss or fail to show up on time, but there's no danger of court martial or jail time. If you make a bad decision (or if you choose to do nothing at all), the world in general will visit various consequences on you, but it's entirely on you to interpret those consequences and decide what you'll learn from them. In short, to be happy, healthy and well-adjusted in the civilian world, you must take full, consistent, active and proactive control of every aspect of your life — something you may not be used to after years in the military, wherein many of your actions are passive or reactive.
Preparing for the psychological transition from military to civilian life is much easier if you can work with a cognitive behavioral therapist. Again, working with a psychologist isn't a sign of weakness and it doesn't mean that you have a mental illness; preventative care for your mind is just as important as it is for your body, arguably even more so. Cognitive behavioral therapists specialize in helping you clearly identify and change your thoughts and habits: not necessarily from “bad” to “good,” just from “less effective” to “more effective.”
Other Tasks
- Apply for your final household goods shipment; this can take a few months to get approved, so don't wait until the last minute
- If you want to purchase Veterans' Group Life Insurance, ensure that you have an active SGLI policy (this is required) and that you've budgeted enough money to pay the premiums
- Update (or start) your wardrobe of civilian clothes, including at least one business casual outfit and one set of formal attire
- Check in with your command to ensure everything is on schedule on their end
- Triple-check that you have all of your military records; getting official copies after you separate can be a real pain
There's a lot to consider and a lot of work to do if you want your transition to civilian life to be as smooth as possible. It can seem overwhelming, but it doesn't have to be if you follow our timeline and take it one step at a time. If you feel stuck or pressured, ask yourself “What's the next step?” Then take action on that step. Repeat this simple process as many times as necessary, and before you know it, you'll be confidently prepared for life outside the military.